Your Mother Said So.

So there seems to be an epidemic of people apologizing for something they said on the internet and seeing as how I was in that same chair a few weeks ago (and yesterday too….whee!)…let me help y’all out.

I have some rules that I made back when I first got on the internet back in the mid-90′s when chat rooms were not nearly as fancy as they are now. As long as I’ve followed them, then I don’t piss off the people in the life I have when my iPhone is not attached to my hand, or my computer glued to my lap. (This life is also known as “reality”.)

I’ve amended them several times, with the invention of social media and leaving AOL….but without further ado, the rules you should follow if you use the internet ever (and do it, because your momma will thank you):

1. If you wouldn’t say it directly to the person’s face, don’t put it on the internet. THIS INCLUDES EMAIL.
2. Read what you post/email/tweet before you send it. Would you say this out loud into a megaphone in a crowd full of people?
3. Don’t email/tweet/post angry. If you want to, write it out and put it in your draft folder. Calm down, and then re-write.
4. Messenger is a horrible thing. Don’t use it unless you really have to. Instant communication is a great way to instantly tell someone you think they’re an asshole and then instantly regret it.
5. Don’t do the internet while drunk. Then you wake up the next morning and find webcam pictures of your boobs and have a hard time explaining to your mother what a webcam is and those are not really your boobs.
6. Don’t send naked pictures to anyone you’re not married to. Unless that’s your thing. Then you go. Otherwise, make sure you delete that ish off of his hard drive before you break up with him.
7. Don’t ever assume that nobody else can read your emails. Inevitably you screw up and leave your email or your Facebook or your Twitter open and that communique that you worked so hard to keep from whomever is right there on their computer screen and then they’re irrevocably angry at you.
8. Not everyone has a sense of humor.
9. Tone is hard to read in the written word. If you’re being sarcastic or pissy (i.e. “Would it be illegal if I kicked someone in the face?”) make sure to say so. (“I would never actually do this. But I just want to know for future reference.”)

So just to review – if you’re questioning if what you’re about to hit “Send” or “Post” on might get people to hate you in your real life, don’t do it. Sleep on it.

Also, don’t worry about pissing off the trolls on the internet. They’re inevitable and just a sign that you’re awesome.

Kind of Lost.

One of my twitter friends (who is also an offline friend now) told me last night that I haven’t been very funny on Twitter lately.

I hadn’t realized how not-funny I have been until I read some of my latest tweets.

I move my laptop 6 inches so I don't have to contort my body into a pretzel while using it and watching the baby…..and the signal drops.—
Mia Cupcake (@miacupcake) June 10, 2011

Or this gem:

QOTD: It's like a train wreck filled with sad chickens and dead kids. cc @lovebigbake (I said it, she didn't.)—
Mia Cupcake (@miacupcake) June 09, 2011

So yeeeeeeaaaah, personal issues happening off-blog and me actually WORKING are causing me to be unfunny. And I have nothing that I CAN put on the blog right now, because I’m running off to write a paper on how imaginative play helps small kids develop big brains and then finishing a project for a client.

So in lieu of me being funny or having to post, here are some of my favorite things off of Amazon:

Adele. Adele, Adele, Adele. I cannot say enough nice things about this girl. She’s normal, except for her voice, which I find extraordinary. I adore her first CD (18) and this CD is insanely amazing as well. Good mellow yet ass-kicking music.
Hip Girl’s Guide to Homemaking. This would be the greatest gift of all for a bride or a girl moving out of her parents’ for the first time. It’s got some great tips even for me, who’s lived on her own (MOSTLY) for almost 10 years.

Back to the Future. These are my go-to movies when I’m feeling blue. I know all of the words and possibly even some of the hand gestures, I’ve seen them that many times. Yet somehow (for me at least) they never get old. Related: I love DeLoreans.
I have never read this book. But with the issues we’re having with switching Chuck to a Big Girl Bed, I’ve heard this book would help me. (Note: This is not a kids’ book. It is for adults.)

That’s all I’ve got, my darlings. Maybe later today after paper-writing and project-finishing and laundry-folding, I can get something better up

Thanks for sticking around.

Disclaimer: These are Amazon Affiliate links. If you click on them and buy something, I get a cut. I chose these particular products because I love them, not because I was paid.

My Hair is a Nightmare. (GIVEAWAY!!)

NOTE: GIVEAWAY EXTENDED TO MIDNIGHT, FRIDAY THE 13TH!!

I have very nice hair. When it behaves.

However, when I am doing exercise of ANY SORT, it is out of freaking control. So when Rebecca over at Bondi Band offered one of her wicking (and WICKED) headbands to try out, I jumped on it.

Out of the pretty massive selection they have on that website, I chose a plain green headband. It’s my favorite colour and isn’t the colour of one of our home teams in our derby league. (impartiality is SUPER important when reffing, yes?)

First day I got it, I wore it underneath my derby helmet at an open skate. Now that thing is already pretty tight. My head is enormous, and apparently a 3xl helmet doesn’t fit. (No, I’m not kidding. Insert “giant melon” joke here.)

It not only fit under the helmet, it nicely sucked my copious amounts of perspiration (you’re welcome for that mental image) away from my face. I’m totally used to having to wear sweat wristbands on my forearms to wipe away sweat (not always helpful) and I didn’t have to use them this time.

Sweet.

Before I went on our run

So I took it out for a run with the baby.

I’m notorious for having to stop and remove the bandana I normally use about 9 times on our daily hikes.

So we went on a 2.2 mile hike/jog. It was sunny outside. I perspired more than normal, because I was wise and wore a sweatshirt that I (for some reason) did not remove when it got warm.

It didn’t move. I’m not even kidding….my hair usually causes things to slip off or slide out and it’s REALLY hard for me to

After the run. Please ignore my paleness and lack of makeup.

find a headband that fits because of my enormous noggin.

But I dig these bands. A lot.

So much so, that I bought 3 more. Two for me and one for my lovely friend Ketta (her derby name…she’s an anesthesiologist, so her name is Ketta Mean) who ran my 5k with me this past Saturday.

It rained so incredibly hard during our 5k that we were completely soaked to the bone.

Even our underpants.

Rain was running down the back of my shirt, trickling down my legs….but the Bondi Band was keeping the water from running down our faces.

Before we nearly drowned while running.

So we were very satisfied.

Plus, they have some pretty radtastic sayings…Ketta’s says “WILL SKATE FOR BEER” and mine says “SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE”.

So they run about $8 a piece, come in a lighter wicking lycra (for those of you who don’t sweat buckets like I do) and a heavy-duty fabric (which is what all of mine are.)

They also sell wicking hats and towels, but I personally can’t speak to those

So….because she’s so awesome, Rebecca is offering one of her rad headbands to one of you! Winner gets to pick whichever style, colour and saying he/she chooses!!

“How do I enter”, you say? Good question! (US residents only!!)

MANDATORY ENTRY: Go to the Bondi Band website, check out their selection and come on back over here and leave a comment telling me which one you like the best.

Additional Entries (LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY)

1. Follow Bondi Band on Twitter!
2. Follow me on Twitter!
3. “Like” Bondi Band on Facebook!
4. “Like” Bruises in the Frosting on Facebook!
5. Subscribe to Bruises in the Frosting (Click the “Heck Yes!” button over there on the right)
6. Tweet this giveaway! (“Hey! @miacupcake is giving away a sweet @bondiband on her blog! Run on over and check it out! http://wp.me/pXaXa-fL Ends 5/13“) YOU CAN DO THIS UP TO FIVE TIMES PER DAY. But please not all at once….nobody likes spam. Don’t forget to leave a comment for each!!
7. Post this giveaway on your Facebook Wall! (make sure to link back to the Bruises in the Frosting FB page, and make the post visible to “everyone” so we can see you!)

Giveaway runs through NOON this Friday, May 13th. Winner will be chosen using Random.Org and has 24 hours to respond to notification. If winner fails to respond within 24 hours, an alternate winner will be chosen.

DISCLAIMER: FCC makes me say I received a Bondi Band to review. I did not receive any other compensation, nor was I asked to give false witness about the product. All opinions are mine, and the honest to RuPaul truth. Thanks and have a nice day.

Sore.

Image via Wikipedia

So I’ve applied to be a Mamavation mom (check out my video here) and I’ve been taking part in the “hazing” like it’s my job.

Because it kind of is.

To be clear…by hazing, I do not mean that Bookieboo and crew are circling fat parts of me while I stand on a table in my underpants in front of the whole sorority, or making me drink endless amounts of alcohol until I pass out.

I mean the GOOD kind. I’m doing jumping jacks and pushups and drinking water and eating healthy and doing basically whatever they tell me to.

And I LOVE IT.

I never thought I would have said that…but the “sitting on my butt watching television all the time” thing wasn’t really going well for me. I was so tired all the time, and I was sick a lot and I was eating nothing but expensive fast food and I was smoking….ugh. I felt horrible.

ANYWAY….so I’ve been working on this for almost 3 weeks now? And I’ve been rocking it. Was able to not HAVE to take a nap for the last four days, and was able to play with the kids at the play area at the mall and went for a long walk with Chef and Chuck today….I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

ETA: I totally have not weighed myself. Since the doc’s office, almost 2 weeks ago. I should get on that, but I’m afraid my scale is different than the doc’s scale….I’m sucking it up later today

SO! Goals for this week?

1. Keep not smoking. Have been completely smoke free for a week. The smell of cigarette smoke is not tempting me at all right now….in fact it stinks. Chef has even been inspired to work on quitting…I just found his secret stash of Nicotine patches he’s been using
2. More water. I have been falling down on this one. BUT!! I have had ONE CAN OF COKE in a WEEK, so I’m pretty freaking proud of myself.
3. Ignore the junk food. I had a Cinnabon yesterday. I’m totally not proud of that. I don’t have any excuses. But it was totally not delicious. Other than that, have not had fast food in 9 days.
4. Move. With the hazing, this is not hard for me. I get a twice-daily reminder to get up and go, and they tell me what to do. I’ve also been walking or yoga-ing or whatever strikes my fancy in addition…FEELING THE BURN.
5. NEW – Stop late night binging. This is a HUGE issue with me. I am not hungry, I just get bored after the baby goes to sleep, so for some reason, I feel the need to eat. I recognized this last night and had a banana and that was it. So that’s a step in the right direction.

Mamavation Question of the week: What time of day works best for you to be active?  How do you make sure you stick to those planned workouts?

With such an erratic small person in the house, I try not to make any PLANS. I’ve been getting in the majority of my exercise in the morning, so I don’t put it off until after she goes to bed, because then I’m too tired.

Although…now that I think of it, exercising during her nap might make the most sense.

And now, because you made it all the way to the end of my post, a video with the best use of a treadmill. (Other than running on it.)

This post is sponsored by SEARS FitStudio and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation and sponsored by Sears.