Oh, dear neighbor. Go f*ck yourself.

LETTER FROM OUR AWESOME NEIGHBOR. Names have been changed, because I really wouldn’t put it past him to sue for defamation. Not like he has ANYTHING ELSE TO DO.

The pool pump is the quietest one on the market. Our house is approximately the same distance from the pump as his is, and we can’t hear it at all. Hardly even with the windows open.

Also, we’re pretty sure that he needs to go live in the middle of Oklahoma, where his nearest neighbor is 15 miles away and can play vuvuzelas all day without fear of email retribution.

Hi Folks,

It’s “Jack” your neighbor here. HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm. I saw that you erected a swimming pool in your back yard. HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm. If we ever get any hot weather that should provide hours of relief and fun for you. HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm.

It looks like an inflatable pool, very clever, and no doubt much more affordable than an in-ground, cement job. HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm. Well, I do hope you enjoy it, just be safe: i.e., no high-dives from the basketball hoop! HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm.

Oh, I guess there’s just one more thing. HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm. Have you noticed that the pool’s recirculating pump-motor emits a constant HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm sound? We have, every hour since it was turned on last week. While we can easily hear it through our closed windows and walls (especially at night), I think much of the sound is coming through the roof and down onto the living areas. That would explain why we can hear it in all areas of the house. Turning on the bathroom exhaust fans seems to mask it, but I’m hesitant to put so much wear-and-tear on those littlemotors by running them several hours a day.

Sound harmonics are tricky, because you can often be standing near a sound source and actually not perceive it as loud or objectionable. But when you are standing beside or inside a structure (i.e., fence, house) that has building materials which reflects sound or physically vibrates from sound waves, the resultant pressure wave reverberates and can createmore sound/noise than expected. Even if the decibel volume remains relatively low, it’s the penetrating frequency of the lower amplitude sound waves which seems to effortlessly pass through structures, and ‘thrum’ against our ear drums, incessantly. And monotonous “thrumming” is what the swimming pool pump is producing, hour after hour, without a break.

So I guess I’d like to ask if you would be willing to moderate theHHRmmmm-HHRmmmm sound in a couple of ways. For example, could you check with your pool experts and determine if the recirculating pump actually needs to run 24 hours a day. If not, perhaps a timer could be installed which would allow running thepump for shorter periods through-out the daytime, with little (or no) operation in the evenings when some of us enjoy the remarkably quiet nights on our back decks: listening to the croaking of distant frogs, the light twittering of nesting birds, and the occasional fly-overs of ducks and geese as they beat their wings, are rare and prized luxuries for city living! Presently, the dominate night-time sound is (you guessed it) HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm.

A second idea might entail building a simple, insulated, sound-box around the pump motor in order to contain its noise and perhaps redirect it away from the water membrane of the pool itself; which might be amplifying the sound as well. That’s kind of what I did when we installed our outside A/C unit years ago; I had the additional option of locating it on the downhill side, away from your side, between the Smith’s and our garages. Obviously, you don’t have that option of strategic location, but the sound-enclosure principle could help. If you wanted to undertake that project yourself, I have new tools that are begging to be used (andpurchases justified), just let me know. : )

Anyway, thanks for being such good neighbors, and anything that you can do would be much appreciated by your side- and back-yard neighbors.

HHRmmmm-HHRmmmm. Ha, Ha, Ha, I crack myself up.

thanks again,

Editor’s note: as in ASS.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Michelle
    Jun 28, 2010 @ 20:34:07

    omg… lol I am thinking he wrote the hhrmmm-hrmmmmm in the letter? I am not sure I would be able to stop laughing. I guess it was a nice enough letter.. but dude.. welcome to city living… you want to Only hear the animals.. then buy yourself 60 acres in Montana. I have one neighbor with a hot tub and one with a generator… oh well.. I also have one with a 12 year old and a bunch of friends and some airsoft guns… oh yeah.. they have some yappy dogs too… and two houses down he works on boats all the time.. revs those motors up… figure it breaks even when they have to listen to our dust collector, table saw or we ride in and out on the harley.. it is life… live it stop bitching about it.


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