You don’t have to read this.


But because I know you guys and you’re nosy little monkeys, I know you will anyway.

Here’s my list of things I want to watch on Netflix. With the enormity of the list and the fact that I can hardly ever keep Chuck off the computer, I’m estimating this will take me the rest of my life.

SO! If you feel so compelled, please feel free to add something in the comments you think I should watch.

ALSO! This is a work in progress. I won’t delete things, but I’ll cross them out as I watch them, or add them as I think of them.

  1. Season 5 of Nip/Tuck
  2. Seasons 2-?? of Weeds
  3. The Tudors
  4. Seasons 3-? of The Sopranos
  5. All of the Terminator movies
  6. All seasons of How I Met Your Mother
  7. Californication
  8. Entourage
  9. Rescue Me
  10. Pushing Daisies
  11. Wonderfalls
  12. Six Feet Under
  13. Twin Peaks
  14. Dr. Horrible
  15. Big Bang Theory
  16. Big Love
  17. The Wire (after 1/2way through Season 2)
  18. X-Files
  19. MST3K

An open letter to Claire, the stylist at Se7en

Bellevue Square

Image by chispita_666 via Flickr

Dear Claire,

Your awesomocity astounds me.

Not only did you give me one of the best haircuts I have EVER had in my life (this hair is hard to handle now), but you made me feel welcome in a city that I’ve never felt welcome in. I grew up there, and I never belonged.

After arriving at Bellevue Square a bit early for our appointment, I stopped by one store, and then another store, and then yet another store.  I had money to spend, and ended up not spending a dime. Why?

The employees at each store took one look at me, (the head to toe “check out”) and turned the other way. Because of the way I’m shaped and what I LOOK LIKE, I was not deemed worthy enough to help in any of the stores.

My self-esteem was plummeting when I walked into the Se7en salon. I felt like I would get snobbed once again, because I wasn’t rail-thin and wore jeans and carried an old beat up messenger bag instead of a big stupid-expensive purse.

Then you sat me down in your chair, didn’t do the “head to toe check out” and just treated me like a person. You cut my hair in a way that looks amazing both curly AND straight (something even experienced stylists have huge issues with) and you chatted with me like we were old friends.

You made me feel welcome in a place that has never embraced me, and for that I thank you.

Also, I look awesome and I thank you for that too.



Sucking The Life Out of Me: Netflix, the Vampire Story

13/365 Chapter 11

Image by The Suss-Man (live from Albany, GA) via Flickr

So Fille gave up his much beloved Blockbuster account on Thursday, after learning that they were filing for Chapter 11.  Somehow, the fact he was taking the money and running into the cheaply outstretched arms of Netflix, abandoning the more expensive and less convenient caress of Blockbuster and the irony of how many people doing the same in Buster’s time of need was COMPLETELY lost on him.

Anyway, I digress.

So now we have Netflix. And my life is ruined.

We have a laptop that I use to escape Mille & Fille and their dungeon of computer paraphernalia.  And on this laptop, I am now able to watch just about any television show or movie I can think of. And some I have never heard of. And some I have heard of but never really wanted to watch.

For example: in the last 36 hours, in addition to regular Mommy Pants duties (i.e. cooking, cleaning, shopping and trying not to lose my everloving mind) I have watched:

  • 7.48 episodes of Season 4 of Nip/Tuck (am horrified Julia slept with Marlo, mostly because she’s so high and mighty, not because he’s stature-deficient, and have I mentioned I love “little people”?)
  • 1.28 episodes of Gangland (from the History Channel…FASCINATING show. Really bloody & violent, though.)
  • Aeon Flux (Though I have to admit, 9/10ths of this was watched through my eyelids. Not sleeping, just quiet.)
  • 3 episodes of Wonder Pets
  • 1 episode of Sid The Science Kid
  • Planet 51
  • Now playing: Fantasia 2000 (Chuck likes the music, Short Stack tries to copy the animation 🙂

Now, for $12, I am paying Netflix to suck my brain, my free time and my concentration right out through my eyeballs. My brain is trying to file for chapter 11 just to recover and recoup some of its melting brain cells before it’s too late.

Last night, between the Soul Sucker Netflix and Chuck deciding sleep is for the weak, I got 2 hours of sleep from 5am to 7am. I am also currently at my mother’s house, which means I have a 90 minute drive home tonight.

This could be fun.

The Importance of B

sleeping Japanese macaques in Kanba falls

Image via Wikipedia

Well hi there! I know it’s been a couple of days since I posted, but it’s been a bit busy around here.  Keeping up with a tiny person (who is 11 months old today! My Chuck is almost 1!!) who is refusing to sleep at night kind of eats up your day, you know?

I’ve been beyond tired lately. Like crazy, haven’t-slept-in-three-days tired. I’ve been sleeping 6-8 hours a night, which has been more than sufficient in the past, but I wake up with a total hangover-feeling and more exhausted than when I laid down the night before.

Was getting tired of it. (ha)

SO! I called my girl parts’ doctor. Ever since the Cancer Diagnosis, I’ve been paranoid when something different happens in that particular area. I had another procedure done 4 weeks ago, and my “Aunt Flo” has been visiting ever since, which I thought might be the cause of my excessive tiredness.

For those of you who are not the semi-proud owners of female plumbing, THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

So I called Dr. Lady Parts. His nurse told me that women who undergo the same procedure often have Aunt Flo visit for UP TO SIX MONTHS. Pretty sure I’m going to go crazy and kick people if she stays that long.

Which left me with no cause of this Reverse Rip Van Winkle syndrome.

Until I realized: Hey dummy, you switched your diet and cut caffeine out…..maybe THAT COULD BE THE PROBLEM??


So I googled “vegan tired cause” and looks like I might be low on iron and b12.

God bless Google for saving me from myself once again.

New TV Season and I Lost 11 pounds.

Narazawa Shrine Festival, Iiyama, Nagano

Image by shinyai via Flickr

The title of this blog = the most exciting things that have happened to me in the last 3 days.

Not that things aren’t awesome…but it’s just not super blog-worthy lately.

I’ve lost 11 pounds since I switched to a vegan diet. That rocks my socks off.

I discovered the greatest tasting chocolate cupcake recipe in the history of all mankind. And it’s vegan. And I don’t even like chocolate.

Football season is in full swing, which means I get my hopes up every Sunday that either my fantasy team or my real team is going to win. Here in the Pacific Northwest, we are nothing if not hopeful about our sports teams.

Television is also hopeful this early in the season….I’m watching Chase right now, and so far, it doesn’t suck. The Event was on before this, and I’m looking forward to figuring out wtf is going on.

Wow, this blog post is more boring than I thought it would be.

ps – as always, I have picked the most bananas picture I could find of the ones WordPress suggests for this blog post. NO CLUE what is going on in this picture.

Talking About Myself, Days 10-12

Bob Marley live in concert in Zurich, Switzerl...

Image via Wikipedia

I am seriously horrible at this, so I’ll just keep posting in chunks until we’re all done 🙂

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad – I listen to a lot of different music ….but here goes:

Happy – Justin Timberlake, Bob Marley, Adele, and Deadmau5

Sad – classical. Mostly Bach and Beethoven.

Bored – anything. Whatever strikes my fancy at that moment. I listen to Tool, Metallica, Lady Gaga, Mozart, this reggae CD made for kids that Chuck really likes…when I’m bored, whatever makes me un-bored is what I’ll listen to 🙂

Hyped – Deadmau5. Lady Gaga. Paul Oakenfold. Anything trance, dance, hip-hop, house….loud and with a big beat. Ooh, or Cherry Poppin Daddies or Squirrel Nut Zippers. I was BIG into the Zoot Suit Riot.

Mad – Prodigy. Rammstein. Metallica. Eminem. Linkin Park. Anything super aggro and with words I can yell-sing.

day 11- another picture of you and your friends

I don’t have any pictures I can find right now. I’ll make sure to take some whenever I see my friends again. OR! Maybe I will post the photo strip from that one time Ketta and I got wasted after a roller derby event. So…stay tuned for that one 🙂

day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one

I was blogging back before I started working for the Evil Empire. I’ll have to see if the original blog is still up, but I’ve gone through several transformations since that first blog back in 2001. Like this one. Don’t read too much of that, it’s embarassing.

I have a blog because 140 characters isn’t enough sometimes. Because I need someone to talk to some days who won’t judge me and won’t have a vested interest in the decisions I make. Sometimes, I just need to know that someone else out there thinks I’m funny.

Not all vegans are jerks.


Image by hisashi_0822 via Flickr

So yesterday, I got a incredibly asshatted nice email from an anonymous source saying that because I wear leather shoes and “don’t care about the animals”, that I am not a vegan. That according to Ellen DeGeneres and her glossary of vegan terms, I am merely a vegetarian. They said (I use “they” because they didn’t sign the email, nor was there gender indication in the email address itself) that saying that I was being vegan “for the health of it” was akin to telling the animals that I was ok with them being slaughtered for their muscles and their wool.

I didn’t know what to say…at first. I honestly sat there, shocked and appalled that a total stranger would take the time out of their day to write such a hurtful email to someone they (may have?) never met.

Then I realized this person is one of the vegans that run around telling everyone that they’re doing everything wrong, and that they are HORRIBLE PEOPLE for wearing leather shoes or wool or eating meat, and will hand you a pamphlet with graphic depictions of cows being slaughtered as you walk out of a burger joint. (We’ll call that type of person a JV = a Judgemental Vegan)

After mulling this over for a bit, and in the interest of finding out how educated my friends/family are about veganism, I asked a couple of friends (via various methods…Facebook and Twitter mostly) to name the first thing that popped into their mind when I said the word vegan and here’s what they said:

  • What exactly do you eat? I mean, I know you eat plants and stuff, but really, where do you get your protein?
  • That one guy who stands on the corner near my son’s preschool and hands out “meat is murder” leaflets. He always yells at me for wearing leather shoes.
  • Omigod, don’t you have to throw out your leather or something? I’ll take your Frye boots if you’re just going to throw them out.
  • I met a lady the other day who was vegan, and she was HUGE. I thought all vegans were skinny hippies? No offense.
  • Don’t you have to eat tofu all the time? I don’t like tofu. I just couldn’t do it.

I had to break it to that last person that the frosting on the cupcakes I made her the other day had tofu in it. 🙂

Conclusion? People are shockingly uneducated (as I was when I first thought about switching) about vegans, veganism and plant-based diets in general.

Anyway – after chatting with a lovely (and totally non-judgemental) fellow vegan, I decided that this person (who thinks sheep get slaughtered for their wool….obviously completely mis-informed) just needs to calm down and that I can ignore them and not take all of their vitriol to heart.

People like my anonymous emailer are what turns people off from listening to vegans and what they have to say. It’s a basic tenet of life: If you’re rude, condescending and judgmental, nobody is going to want to stick around and hear what you have to say.

However, on the flip side, if you’re kind and share with others, you bake vegan goodies for get-togethers or bring a vegan dish to a potluck (if, for no other reason, so YOU have something to eat!), if you address all questions about your lifestyle with kindness and don’t take them as accusations, if you live your life the way you like and with a big dose of kindness, then people will be more open to listening to the “vegan party line.”

In other words Anonymous Emailer? CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. I’m going to just keep doing me. 🙂

Note #1: yes, I am aware that sheep do not die when their wool is sheared. I’m still a “new vegan”, so I’m not entirely sure why we don’t wear wool. If you DON’T shear them, that’s cruel…so I totally don’t understand.

Note #2: I’m not throwing out my leather boots or my jacket. First off, they were all insanely expensive. (I did get rid of 2 leather jackets during The Great Purge.) Second, me throwing them away so they can rot in a landfill doesn’t help ANYONE. Third, I can’t escape wearing wool because I knit and most of the sweaters and socks I knit are wool.

CONCLUSION: If you want to call me a vegetarian, that’s fine. But I still eat vegan food and work hard to make sure I’m not consuming any animal products, so I’m going to keep calling myself a Vegan.

My day = completely wasted.

Thanks again to this lady, my whole productivity today has gone to shit. I have been sitting here for the last hour watching this video repeatedly and wondering if Chef could pull something like this off….but he’s not the “singing in public” type…

Talking About Myself, Days 8-9

Close-up of cupcake with pink frosting and spr...

Image via Wikipedia

I am so horrible at keeping up with this. But I endure 🙂

day 8- short term goals for this month and why – I want to kickstart mybusiness. Find more clients. Bake more cakes. Get going. I’m also wanting to get Chuck’s 1st Birthday Extravaganza all planned, as well as get going on the cupcake event I’ve been trying to coordinate.

day 9- something you’re proud of in the past few days – Finishing that mountain wedding cake. That was my opus, for serious. I took a loooong nap after that, for sure.

A bit boring, I know, but alas. I cannot be exciting ALL of the time. HAPPY TUESDAY!

Things that are hard to do with a newly mobile baby

Parents (film)

Image via Wikipedia

This is by no means a comprehensive list. Please feel free to add your own items in the comments.

(WordPress has suggested yet another awesome picture to add that has little to do with this blog post, but I find it hilarious.)

  1. Shopping. For anything. When shopping with a small person, it requires extra equipment like carseats and strollers and snacks and diapers and toys and you end up packing as much for a 15 minute run to the store as you would for a hike in the Andes just because you forgot curry powder, despite the fact it was on the list the first time you went to the store.
  2. Reading a book. When you sit down to read a book and your child has recently learned to pull themselves up, you will all of a sudden have a tiny wet hand (wet from what, you may never figure out) smack in the middle of the page you were reading and possibly have that page forcibly removed. I didn’t really need to know what Doug was doing anyway.
  3. Drinking or eating. If you are eating, your tiny person will want to know what you’re doing and if she can have some. Since her vocabulary skills are not up to par, she will most likely just try to grab whatever you’re eating, either off your fork, off your plate or try to dig it out of your mouth if she can reach. Don’t feel like sharing? Be prepared for her air raid siren scream. Drinking a cocktail? Make sure it’s in a sippy cup, because when you look away, that nicely mixed drink is going to get spilled all over everywhere and have fun explaining why your kid smells like gin.
  4. Trying to write a blog. Anything with keys (and really anything you’re doing that doesn’t involve them) is the most fascinating thing in the world to them. They want what you have and god help you if you try to continue what you’re doing and ignore them. Chuck has this new thing where she bends herself in half backwards, scrunches her eyes shut and wails like an ambulance. Obviously, she doesn’t check behind her before she does this, so I’ve been googling “how many times can an infant hit their head on the coffee table before you need to start worrying about brain damage”.
  5. Taking a shower. Used to be I could put her on the bathroom floor with a few toys and some cheerios and knock out a quick shower and be out before she started to scream. Now I’m lucky if I can get my hair wet before she’s got the toilet open and is throwing everything she can find in there, including my last pair of clean underpants and my cell phone.
  6. Doing the laundry. You get your clothes all sorted into piles, then you turn around to get the detergent and when you turn back around, there’s a tiny person in your piles. That would be all fine and dandy since you’re washing them anyway, but you better hope that nothing got stashed in those piles. Like a random ballpoint pen. Or your cell phone.
  7. Cooking. Hot pans + baby = bad bad idea. Even if your baby can’t reach the counters, there are still so many ways for this endeavor to go terribly terribly wrong. I had an incident where Chuck got into the cabinets while I was cooking and pulled out everything on the bottom shelf  and then the dog ate it. In the middle of my recipe, I find out that half of the ingredients are now gone.

I’m sure I’ll find something else to add to this list. Right now, I have to go because guess who’s up….

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