Image by Chemical Heritage Foundation via Flickr
Short Stack called me today with a very disturbing question. (for those of you just joining us, he lives with The Dearests 90 miles away so he can finish 5th grade with his buddies and play the baritone horn in the band.)
SS: Mom, what’s a reptile dysfunction?
Me: *chokes on her soda, thinking he’s asking about penis malfunctions*
SS: Mom?
Me: Say what honey? I can’t hear you. Bad connection.
SS: WHAT. IS. A. REPTILE. DYSFUNCTION? (child knows I am partially deaf in one ear from too much clubbing and dancing on speakers and just assumes he needs to yell at me like he needs to yell at my grandfather who wears those enormous hearing aids and should probably use an ear trumpet too)
Me: Um….*snort*..Reptile Dysfunction?
SS: Mimi [my mom] won’t tell me. She just pretends she can’t hear me. Then she goes in the bathroom and laughs. Is it something funny?
Me: Um….it’s when….um…
SS: (who is smarter than I give him credit for) It has something to do with a penis, doesn’t it.
Me: *stunned*
SS: Oh wait….*muffled conversation* Uncle OD (my brother) says I should ask you about elections. *more muffled talking * I mean ERECTIONS.
Me: *dies*
SS: Oh, I have to go. Ben 10 is on.
Bruises in the Frosting 
Nov 28, 2010 @ 21:44:10
Not really a conversation to have over the phone. You need to get some pictures before you see him again 🙂 The conversation is best done with pictures, I think. But what the hell do I know. I have all girls.