Merry Christmas! You’re fired.

Augustin Théodule Ribot: The cook and the cat

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So Chef and I knew this was coming….

2 weeks ago, his boss pulled him aside and (totally bawling in a very non-chef like manner) tells him that as of the first of the year, Chef will be “underemployed.”

Definition of underemployed according to Googleemployed only part-time when one needs full-time employment or not making full use of your skills.

Definition of underemployed according to Chef’s boss: not working right now because there are no banquets or business, so maybe in March we’ll revisit the situation and hire you back but then again maybe not, but we really like you and wish we could keep you.

This morning when Chef arrived at work, his boss pulls him aside again and says he (and everyone else that ranks below him in seniority) has been removed from the schedule as of THIS MONDAY.

So Merry Christmas, Chef is fired, and I’m canceling Christmas.

This comes the day after the scary doctor calls and flips out because I am not scheduled for a huge massive life-changing surgery like she recommended. So all in all, it’s been a very interesting day.

I would like to inform the Universe that I have a very low tolerance for any more fuckery during this holiday season. This means there will be a moratorium on the following (and this is by no means a comprehensive list):

  • dying (seriously, if even another of my HOUSEPLANTS dies, I’m going to lose my shit and wander into traffic in my bathrobe with a stewpot on my head.)
  • arrested-ness (no job = no money for bail, people. I’ll come visit you though. You’ll look smashing in drab green or bright orange, depending on where you get locked up.)
  • Christmas trees bursting into face-melting flames (this hasn’t happened. Yet. This Christmas) or falling on small children (again, hasn’t happened)
  • cars getting hit in random snow storms (seriously, the LEAST you can do is write down the license plate and ATTEMPT to apologize for wrecking our car.)
  • getting suspended from school (only 1 more day of school for Short Stack, so I think we’re in the clear on this one…)

So in conclusion, I am tired of Christmas exploding its fake cheer everywhere and crapping all over my house every year.

The End.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ARDELLd
    Dec 16, 2010 @ 20:22:20

    1) Every cloud has a silver lining.
    2) When one door closes, another door opens.
    3) It can only go UP from here!
    4) Most of the important things in the would have been accomplished by people who kept on trying, when there seemed to be no hope at all.

    5) If you wander into traffic with a stewpot on your head…please send pics!


  2. Tivity
    Dec 16, 2010 @ 20:58:18

    Well fuck a duck lady! I just saw both of these posts back to back and WOW. I really wish I was still in Seattle so I could harass you next month in person.

    Which hospital will you be at? Need/want any help with the resume? 😉


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