If you don’t love yourself…

The EA Sports Complex Red Poker Room.

Image via Wikipedia

…how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen? ( – RuPaul, at the end of every Drag Race episode)

I think that quote is so true.

And it’s taken me a lotta years to come to grips with the fact that I absolutely HATED myself for a long time. A LONG TIME.

I hated who I was. I hated what I did. I hated who I was with. I hated what kind of parent I was to poor Short Stack.

That’s a lot of hate for one person. It eats you alive, consumes your whole being and causes everything around you to be coloured with a little bit of “WHY AM I DOING THIS??” And it’s probably the worst thing I can admit out loud….that I couldn’t stand my own self for most of my life.

And after a lot of work, a mini-fight with cancer, another baby and a SUPER SUPPORTIVE set of family and friends, I can honestly say I think I’m pretty awesome.

Now I just have to work on the outside to match the inside.

So here I continue on my journey to a healthier me. One that can wear jeans, and chase the kids and coach soccer and not have to take a nap halfway through the day because story time wiped me out.

SO! Goals for this week?

  1. Keep not smoking. (I fell down a couple of times on this one in the past few days, but I recognize my triggers and when I’m more susceptible to WANTING to smoke, and am carrying gum. Gum is my secret weapon.
  2. More water. (I would like to say I’ve rocked this one, but again, I fell down. I’m picking myself up and dusting myself off, and continuing with this one. 40oz today so far!)
  3. Less junk food. (I had McDonald’s on Thursday. It sucked. No more. I’ve been keeping away from junky foods and have been buying more fruits. Even started making myself a morning smoothie! WOOT)
  4. NEW – Move. (Even if it’s walking down the street to the mailbox and back, it’s movement. I have the EA Sports and a stationary bike, so 20 minutes daily of walking or exercise video or what have you is my goal.)

Mamavation question of the week:  How do you encourage your children to contribute to your family’s healthy lifestyle?

Chuck (at 16 months) is too tiny to contribute right now. But chasing after her and saving her from breaking the house is keeping me busy.

Short Stack (11yrs) is a little more helpful. He is not a big sweets fan (he just likes Reese’s Pieces and peppermint ice cream) so he’s keeping me honest when I see him. He’s the healthiest one out of anyone in our family – big fan of sports and loves to run around and has a “green smoothie” (with this powder, a banana and some milk) every morning.

So I guess Chuck keeps me moving and Short Stack keeps me on track nutritionally 🙂 And I hope I can begin to inspire them to not spend a giant chunk of their lives sitting on the couch watching reality television.

This post is sponsored by Mamavation and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. smallworldbiggirl
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 14:45:00

    Congratulations on your cutting down on the smoking. And kudos for recognizing your smoking triggers and NOT smoking. (You’re doing a lot better at this than I am.)
    I’m glad you like yourself. I’ve never met you, but I think you’re pretty BA. 🙂


  2. Autumn
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 14:48:22

    I am so glad you wrote this. I am pretty much in the same spot and working through my own steps to try and get out of the valley of hate I am in.
    I don’t know if you read my blog but I just posted my own list of things I am doing and I think I need to get more specific, water is one for me too, and hope that keeps me honest.
    You are awesome. Keep it up.


  3. Andrea Kruse (@notimeMom)
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 16:10:26

    Great set of goals for the week. I love your new one… I hope everyone gets up and moves more. Have fun with it too… dance, show your silly side, go ice skating… whatever floats your boat.

    Have a great week!


  4. Katrina
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 16:40:20

    Woo! You are kicking the smoking habit’s butt! I’m so proud of you and so glad that you’ve joined us. I’m so excited that you’re going to apply to be a mama. I would be terrified but I know you have great guts and you can do it! Congrats on your week and keep it up next week. Remember we’re all here for you.


  5. TestingTrueChange
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 17:18:44

    Totally agree with your quote, hope you are able to meet your goals for the week!


  6. TishaMarie
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 19:09:47

    Those self disparaging thoughts are the worst. No one has ever been permitted to talk to me the way I speak to myself. This is one of the demons I have to face head on, and I just keep telling myself that I will never be able to kick the habit so there is no use trying. Good luck, and feel free to lean this direction if you need anything.


  7. kia
    Feb 28, 2011 @ 20:47:59

    You are pretty f*ckin awesome from what I know of you in a short span of time. I am glad you are recognizing. Keep off the cigs, on the H2O, off the McDs and get that booty movin. Have a wonderful week.


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