Sharpie Love

Standard Color Set Sharpie 8-pk

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Dear Sharpie,

I have loved your pens since I was but a wee bairn and used to use them to decorate my mother’s walls….much to her chagrin and prior to the invention of Mr Clean Magic Erasers.

I have an enormous collection of Sharpies, and use them for EVERYTHING, from writing in my dayplanner to marking numbers on the arms of derby girls to leaving (approved) graffiti in my favorite bar’s bathroom. (They ask you to do this. It’s OK.)

I even hide them from my son who is as big of a nut about using the perfect pen as I am.

I adore your writing utensils and ALMOST always have one with me….so it pains me that I got INSANELY EXCITED about your perk with Klout! And was totally denied. I was actually really upset. It was kind of ridiculous.

But without your pens, I would never have my name on nearly everything I own, the derby girls wouldn’t be numbered correctly, and my backpack in the 10th grade wouldn’t have been as fun.

So if you find an extra fun pack of your pens lying around, I’d be happy to take it off your hands and even happier to share your decorating/writing/doodling goodness with the next generation of the Cupcake Clan.

Love and ink stains,


Disclaimer: nobody gave me anything to write this. I just really really really love Sharpies and it’s kind of an obsession and I was honestly really sad that I didn’t get the Sharpie Klout perk.


A Cupcake Manifesto

Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia

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According to Wikipedia:

a manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions, often political in nature. Manifestos relating to religious belief are generally referred to as creeds. Manifestos may also be life stance-related.

I have been kind of floundering around trying to figure out what to do lately. I have big ideas and no clue how to go forward with them.

So I am creating a manifesto for this blog. That way, I will know what to write about when I get stuck.



  • I will continue to complain about my in-laws, brag about my kids and my fiance and generally be awesome whenever I feel like it.
  • At least once a month but no more than once per week, I will host a review/giveaway.
  • I’ll keep talking about roller derby. In fact, I’ll talk about it more often. (Hopefully will have some exciting derby-related news for you within the next few months…)
  • Once a month, I’ll make something or cook something from the new issue of Martha Stewart Living. Just to prove it can actually be done.
  • I will post at least three times a week.
  • I will make something crafty once a month (other than the Martha piece) and show you how to do it.
  • I will post at least 3 recipes a month.
  • Once a month, I will post about one of the kickass places near where I live. There are a lot of them.
  • I will continue to post about my weight loss journey, since I have 50 pounds to go!
And some basic guidelines for me (and for you to expect!):
  • I will take more/better photos for you guys.
  • I will be making more stuff and taking more pictures.
  • I will continue to be random and awesome and me.
  • I will not be turning this into a foodie blog, but I will talk about food more often.
  • 100% more dancing.

I’m hoping eventually I will get a new camera, but for now, I will have to figure out how to make my point-and-shoot work better.

So now that I’ve talked all about myself, I will say this: HAPPY MONDAY! 😀

My Hair is a Nightmare. (GIVEAWAY!!)


I have very nice hair. When it behaves.

However, when I am doing exercise of ANY SORT, it is out of freaking control. So when Rebecca over at Bondi Band offered one of her wicking (and WICKED) headbands to try out, I jumped on it.

Out of the pretty massive selection they have on that website, I chose a plain green headband. It’s my favorite colour and isn’t the colour of one of our home teams in our derby league. (impartiality is SUPER important when reffing, yes?)

First day I got it, I wore it underneath my derby helmet at an open skate. Now that thing is already pretty tight. My head is enormous, and apparently a 3xl helmet doesn’t fit. (No, I’m not kidding. Insert “giant melon” joke here.)

It not only fit under the helmet, it nicely sucked my copious amounts of perspiration (you’re welcome for that mental image) away from my face. I’m totally used to having to wear sweat wristbands on my forearms to wipe away sweat (not always helpful) and I didn’t have to use them this time.


Before I went on our run

So I took it out for a run with the baby.

I’m notorious for having to stop and remove the bandana I normally use about 9 times on our daily hikes.

So we went on a 2.2 mile hike/jog. It was sunny outside. I perspired more than normal, because I was wise and wore a sweatshirt that I (for some reason) did not remove when it got warm.

It didn’t move. I’m not even kidding….my hair usually causes things to slip off or slide out and it’s REALLY hard for me to

After the run. Please ignore my paleness and lack of makeup.

find a headband that fits because of my enormous noggin.

But I dig these bands. A lot.

So much so, that I bought 3 more. Two for me and one for my lovely friend Ketta (her derby name…she’s an anesthesiologist, so her name is Ketta Mean) who ran my 5k with me this past Saturday.

It rained so incredibly hard during our 5k that we were completely soaked to the bone.

Even our underpants.

Rain was running down the back of my shirt, trickling down my legs….but the Bondi Band was keeping the water from running down our faces.

Before we nearly drowned while running.

So we were very satisfied.

Plus, they have some pretty radtastic sayings…Ketta’s says “WILL SKATE FOR BEER” and mine says “SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE”.

So they run about $8 a piece, come in a lighter wicking lycra (for those of you who don’t sweat buckets like I do) and a heavy-duty fabric (which is what all of mine are.)

They also sell wicking hats and towels, but I personally can’t speak to those 🙂

So….because she’s so awesome, Rebecca is offering one of her rad headbands to one of you! Winner gets to pick whichever style, colour and saying he/she chooses!!

“How do I enter”, you say? Good question! (US residents only!!)

MANDATORY ENTRY: Go to the Bondi Band website, check out their selection and come on back over here and leave a comment telling me which one you like the best.


  1. Follow Bondi Band on Twitter!
  2. Follow me on Twitter!
  3. “Like” Bondi Band on Facebook!
  4. “Like” Bruises in the Frosting on Facebook!
  5. Subscribe to Bruises in the Frosting (Click the “Heck Yes!” button over there on the right)
  6. Tweet this giveaway! (“Hey! @miacupcake is giving away a sweet @bondiband on her blog! Run on over and check it out! Ends 5/13“) YOU CAN DO THIS UP TO FIVE TIMES PER DAY. But please not all at once….nobody likes spam. Don’t forget to leave a comment for each!!
  7. Post this giveaway on your Facebook Wall! (make sure to link back to the Bruises in the Frosting FB page, and make the post visible to “everyone” so we can see you!)
Giveaway runs through NOON this Friday, May 13th. Winner will be chosen using Random.Org and has 24 hours to respond to notification. If winner fails to respond within 24 hours, an alternate winner will be chosen.
DISCLAIMER: FCC makes me say I received a Bondi Band to review. I did not receive any other compensation, nor was I asked to give false witness about the product. All opinions are mine, and the honest to RuPaul truth. Thanks and have a nice day.

Who’s That Girl?

MobilePhoto.jpgI made the finals for Mamavation Mom! I was really worried for a few days that my unique way of handling life was too “much”, and I have been REALLY struggling with not changing myself to make other people like me. (PS – GO HERE for my giveaway And vote for me!)

It’s hard….especially after today, when I had a tough morning at playgroup. You want people to like you, but you have to be true to yourself, right?

I realized something very important this morning: Being fat does not define me. Most of the time (when not coloured by snide comments other people have made), I don’t see a fat girl when I look in the mirror.

You know what I see? I see the funny person who tells jokes when she’s sad. I see the girl who dyed her hair “Bordeaux” in the 10th grade, thinking it would be a nice bright red colour. I see the hardass who still cries when she runs over an animal on the road. I see the dot in my eye from that car accident. I see a great mom and a fantastic fiancée and a wonderful friend.

But the scale tells me something different. Yes, I am down .8 pounds this week, but I am still big. Bigger than I should be. And I can make all sorts of excuses and say it’s a gland issue or whatever is convenient, but I won’t lie to myself anymore.

I’m this big because I chose to sit on the couch rather than getting up. I chose to wallow in my cancer diagnosis and eat until I figured out what to do. I made the decision to be fat.

So now I’m making the decision to be healthy. I honestly don’t care if I get back down to a pre-Short-Stack size 8, I just want to not feel like I am right on the verge of a heart attack. I want to be able to chase my kids around and make them laugh. I want to take them on hikes and go outside.

I could care less about what reality TV stars are doing. I want to live my life, not theirs.

SO! I am making bigger changes now.

  • I’ve already knocked out the not-smoking goal. It’s been 3 weeks and I have had 3 cigarettes. Chef is now quitting as well, so that will be even easier. It’s now less work to not smoke, it’s a seldom passing thought. Which is easy to quash.
  • Water is also a habit for me now. I always have a bottle with me, and every time I think about it, I take a few swallows. I’m averaging about 75 ounces a day now, so I’m pretty proud of that.
  • Junk food is not allowed in my house. Mostly. I don’t buy it. Chef occasionally eats it, but I don’t even bother taking a bite.
  1. Moving – This is a recycled goal from the last few weeks, but now I’ve expanded it. I’m doing the Couch to 5k. I’m shooting for the USMAA Boot Camp at least 2x per week. I’m still continuing with the hazings until voting ends.
  2. Better food choices. I’ve been choosing healthier foods, but eating maybe too much of them. Smaller portions. Smarter snacking.

Next week, I’m hoping to be down another two pounds. Or to just have been able to make it through boot camp without swearing or puking. 😀

Mamavation question of the week: Where will your feet take you this year? Any plans for a big hike, race, or just a lot of walking?

I am pretty excited because my maid of honor (and one of my BFFs) is going to be accompanying me….on my very first 5k on May 7th. She’s a big time runner, so this is no big deal for her, but she gets that it’s a pretty big deal for me. I’m EXCITED! 😀

This post is sponsored by Earth Footwear, and I wrote it to be entered in a giveaway hosted by Mamavation and sponsored by Earth Footwear. Also, I need new shoes…..

Not working for the man…but still working for a bitch.

Woody gets assaulted with a barrage of basebal...

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So 2 years ago next week will be my “anniversary” of my last day working for someone else.

I was fired unceremoniously on some very unsubstantiated claims that I had physically assaulted a coworker (I don’t assault people. I just berate them verbally) and seeing as how I was 2 months pregnant and vomiting copiously every 15 minutes, I didn’t put up much of a fight. I just took my rather generous severance check, and went home to pack up my things and move in with Chef.

ANYWAY. Point being, fast forward almost 2 years to this moment, where I just realized I’m working three jobs. I’m my own boss in all of them, but damn. I’m a slave driver and kind of a bitch. 🙂

(I actually have 4 jobs if you count being Chuck and Short Stack’s mom…and if you do count that, please inform someone I need health insurance and to collect some back pay.)

I am a licensed massage therapist in the state of Washington, and I do house calls so I don’t have to pay for office space. I don’t have a big enough client base to warrant obtaining office space, and I don’t want to kill my body doing massage. I have 2-3 clients a week, which pays my cell phone bill and puts Chuck in cute shoes.

I am also the baker/owner for Mia Cupcake’s, (watch this space for a SUPER EXCITING deal coming tomorrow, BTW!) but we haven’t been trying to gather clients as much, due to my pending medical procedure. (I’d hate to leave Chef in the kitchen with a whole mess of orders while I yell at him from the bedroom or the couch 🙂

And now I sell Pampered Chef products. I had to think long and hard about this one because I had failed miserably at several other direct sales and I didn’t feel like wasting money on something stupid. But I love it. It’s exciting for me and having Chef for a tester/helper doesn’t hurt either 🙂

So in conclusion, I need to lighten up on myself and possibly work a little harder so my boss doesn’t get so mad. 🙂

Happy Apron-olidays!

Child singers carrying a star with icon of a s...

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Yeah, I know the title is a stretch. Work with me here.

Say you have a girl in your life who likes to cook. Or bake. Or stand in the kitchen with a cocktail and pretend she knows what she’s doing.

Then say a holiday like Christmas or Flying Spaghetti Monster Day or Tuesday rolls around. And you’re expected to get her a present. (duh)

So you’re stuck trying to find something that shows you pay attention, yet doesn’t get you in trouble. (like that one time you got her a blender because you thought she’d like to make milkshakes)

In the interest of helping you not have to sleep on the couch until New Year’s, here is my humble offering of suggestions you should probably listen to. (ha)

1. The Mis Cositas Virgin De Guadelupe apron from

Not only is this apron bright, it’s also super sassy. And a little sexy, if you like that sort of thing. Plus, nothing can go wrong in your kitchen if you have the Virgin Mary on your side. Or your apron. I’m not Catholic, I don’t know these things.

(ps, all hate mail can be sent to

2. The Bella Vintage Apron from Boojiboo.

I love the flared skirt on this one, and the black & white damask with the pink accents (they also have it in a really cute cupcake print). I think this would be one of my “fancy aprons” like my grandma used to wear when she had company, over her dress while serving dinner.

Damn. I miss my grandma. She totally would not have worn pink. She was a badass. Like Donna Reed. But with an attitude.

3. The Nora Retro apron in ruby dot from Bella Pamella.

Again, my grandma would have totally rocked this. In fact, I think she had one just like this. Only hers was blue and green and purple and black paisley, and she was a monster in the kitchen.

This one looks like I’d be afraid to get it dirty.

(question: Does anyone else have work aprons and party aprons? No? Just me?)

4. The Ava Bib apron in the 50’s kitchen print from Jessie Steele.

I think the biggest reason I love this is that it has a red mixer on it.

Also, I think the oven has a smiley face.

And it’s just horribly fun.

5.  The I Love Lucy retro apron from loverdoversclothing. (all of their aprons are fantastic, actually)

I have an unnatural affinity for Lucille Ball. I think she’s amazing and a pioneer of female physical comedy and her hair is fantastic and I want all of her dresses.

I even carried an I Love Lucy lunchbox when I worked for the Evil Empire a few years ago.

And now I forgot what I was talking about.

6.  And last, but certainly not least…the Baking is Sexy apron from theboldbanana.

This would be one of my “work aprons”. It’s functional AND cute.

I’d have chocolate cupcake batter all over this in 7.2 seconds. And would LOVE IT.


In conclusion, don’t buy your wife/girlfriend/chick you know a blender.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas. Here’s your coal.

The Examination and Trial of Father Christmas,...

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It’s been several years since I got something for Christmas. And I don’t mean “since I got something I wanted”…I mean got ANYTHING AT ALL (outside of last year’s lovely gift of socks and scratch tickets from Mille and Fille.)

True, I told Chef the last 2 years that I didn’t want anything, but here’s a big clue for men out there: sometimes when your wife or girlfriend or female platonic friend roommate says “aww, don’t get me anything”, SOMETIMES she means “go figure it out yourself, meat head. I pick up your underpants and cook you food and raise your children and listen to you complain about your boss ALL YEAR LONG, go get me something that shows that sometimes you pay attention to me.”

I’m just lucky I don’t get coal. (Especially after the picture I posted above…which apparently has something to do with killing Santa.)

So in this season of giving, I’m posting the “things that make me wish Santa still came to visit me” gift list. If I remind you of one of the lovely ladies on your gift list, you’re lucky. Here’s a cheat sheet for you.

If you don’t, then this is pretty much just a list of things that would make me more spoiled than I already am. Sorry 😉

1. This apron from Cupcake Provocateur. Or really, any of her aprons. I’m completely obsessed with aprons, and enamored with hers in particular. All of her patterns are fun and the prints are fabulously retro and I adore it.

The full skirt of this apron is horribly adorable and since I’ve decided my life’s goal (this year) is to get on Martha Stewart‘s show, I would look fabulous in this sassy little number while scheming how to pull off this epic feat.

And I would wear this all year long, because I shun such restrictions as “you can only wear Christmas aprons at Christmas”. Also, Elvis is awesome.

2. Anything from Lucky Cupcake hairclips. Really, ANYTHING from her site. I’m totally obsessed with hair flowers in general, and hers specifically.  I have a ton and a half of uncontrollable hair, and dressing up a ponytail (or whatever you call it when you bunch your hair up and smack a rubber band on it) with one of these bad boys is essential to this momma not feeling like giant wads of something the cat sucked on  (you’re welcome for that visual) when she leaves the house without mascara.

3. A gift certificate to Bake It Pretty. Because I cannot possibly pick just one thing out of the 9.2 million different things (that number is an estimate, BTW) that they have available on the site and I would love every single one of them in my already-well-stocked kitchen.

The “quins” pictured right are just one example of the 8.73 billion things Bake it Pretty carries, and are totally adorable and I’ve been trying to figure out how I would possibly use them…maybe cake pops shaped like cookie sheets with these on them?

4. These nesting bowls (image courtesy of whitneysmith). I’ve been haunting the whitneysmith shop on etsy for some time, and all of her work is gorgeous.

She does some fantastic single-cupcake stands with tiny birds on them…which I also adore and may have to purchase several of for cupcake photo shoots.

But the bowls are my favorite. The whole set would make a fantastic centerpiece with a tea light in the tiniest bowl, or would be fantastic at a dinner party as serving pieces. Either way, they would be a crazy-awesome addition to your kitchen. Or mine. Or both.

5. For those of you following along at home, you know I am completely obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. Obsessed. I also have a thing for cupcakes. (duh.)

And in knowing these things, you would understand why I totally geeked out about this print. I love the look on her face, the cupcake, the “eat me”….everything. LOVE. (the whole shop is pretty amazing….check it out here. The “We’re All Mad Here” print would also fit in our house PERFECTLY.)

I’m trying to convince Chef to let me buy the Alice print right now and he says to “ask Santa”. I’m pretty sure that’s his seasonal version of “no”.

6. More peppermint foot lotion from Right As Rain. (disclaimer: the owner is a friend of mine, and gave me some of her lotion, but did not ask me to do a review.) I walk around in my bare feet a lot. A LOT. If I don’t have to, I won’t wear shoes.

As a result, my feet get pretty manky. At night, before I go to bed, I love scrubbing them with some homemade salt scrub (though Right as Rain has some great sugar scrub too!) and then slathering them with the lotion and putting on some soft socks.

And now Chef doesn’t complain that I’m rubbing all the skin off his legs at night with my sandpapery feet. (But I’m almost out of lotion…..which is why it’s on the list 🙂

7. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry…but I’d make an exception for a few pieces. Anything in this shop would do….but more specifically this piece.

I would find parties to wear this to. I would THROW parties just so I could wear this. I would end up wearing it with yoga pants, because I don’t own fancy clothes, but it would be epic.

8. Here’s another exception to the “I don’t wear jewelry” rule. Pretty sure this necklace is worth throwing a party for as well. It would have to be a fancy party, I think…maybe with a bird theme. For which I could get the bird cupcake stands I mentioned in #4. And wear this ring. (A party which I would have to have AFTER we move out of Mille and Fille’s house…because they’re not “fancy party” people.)

9. Anything from the boygirlparty shop. Or EVERYTHING from their shop. But more importantly, these recipe cards.

I have a LOAD of recipes. It’s not even funny how many I have. I would LOVE these so I could write the important ones down and have them on something fancy to distinguish them from the sea of papers I have floating around my recipe box. (Which, for argument’s sake, is one of these. The 50 quart size.)

The second I start actually working on opening my cupcake shop, I’m contacting the owner of boygirlparty to see if she’d carry her recipe cards in my shop. That’s how much I adore them.

SO! In conclusion, I like stuff. And I hope there’s something shiny for me under the tree this year.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Joyeux Kwanzaa to all, and now I need to go take a nap.

All images, ideas and text here is property of Mia Cupcake/Bruises in the Frosting, unless otherwise noted. Please do not copy without express permission from blog author.