Sorry Charlie…..

This is me on Saturday. Full of winning.

Dear Charlie Sheen,

I hear you’ve been running around and talking about how you love tiger blood and warlock porn stars live in your house and something about DNA and drugs called Charlie Sheen and banging 7 gram rocks and all sorts of crazy….to be perfectly honest, I haven’t been listening. (I had to Google most of that.)

Mostly because I’ve been too busy winning.

That's me, almost 3 weeks ago, in the yellow helmet.

I know you think you understand winning. But I don’t think you do.

Winning is turning someone’s life around. It’s seeing that you have a problem and taking steps to fix that problem. It’s stepping on the scale before a surgery to remove cancer on Feb 1st, and seeing a number (262.4) that you don’t EVER want to see again.

And then making CHANGES.

Changing your way of life. Quitting the couch. Giving up greasy fast food.

As of this morning. Down 15 pounds. Eat that, Warlock DNA.

Tossing out the last half pack of cigarettes after smoking for YEARS. Making sure your house is a junk free zone so you’re not tempted to binge because it’s EASY.

Winning is moving your quite large butt so you can be there for your kids. It’s taking the hard road because you still can. It’s making sacrifices to ensure that you will be there for your baby’s graduation from high school and get to harass her while she plans her wedding.

It’s making decisions (like smoothies over Jack in the Box, or planks vs sitting on the couch while watching Biggest Loser) that affect not only your life, but the lives of those around you. It’s FINALLY being able to get up in the morning and not be exhausted, or chase after your toddler and not be winded.

Winning is normal people doing extraordinary things.

Dude, you couldn’t handle my kind of winning. Your face would melt off.



PS dude, if you haven’t seen this video yet, you should totally watch it. Then try rehab.



Why I Pretend I’m Canadian Sometimes.

Individual silicone earplug worn at ear with E...

Image via Wikipedia

Other than the fact that the Yarn Harlot is Canadian and awesome, and the radio stations I listen to are all Canadian, and they watch HOCKEY and are SO EXCITED ABOUT IT, and movies like Strange Brew and the fact that most of the natives actually say “eh” and “aboot” and they have some seriously awesome Chinese food in Vancouver and have MOUNTIES and Tim Horton’s and Anne of Green Gables and OMG POUTINE** and did I say I love Canada?


Rumor has it that Frito Lay US is pulling their compostable Sun Chips bag (for all but the original flavor) because people are bitching it’s too loud.


I’m completely flabbergasted that people take the time to do this, but I guess it’s just a lesson to never underestimate the bond between people and their junk food.

However, it appears as though Frito Lay Canada has a good sense of humor and is sticking to their guns,  offering free earplugs to those who want to be environmental, but still have some aural issues with the bag 🙂


**Does anyone know of a GOOD vegan poutine alternative?

Random Wednesday, pre-Halloween edition

the Chuck Norris catalog

Hi! I know, I wrote two posts in 24 hours. Try to contain your excitement. In the words of my brother, it’s unseemly.

A few randoms to keep you entertained until I finish the post about Chuck’s birthday:

  1. Chef and I are working on videos on basic kitchen how-to’s. He likes to teach people, and I like to have blog fodder. (and also maybe pretend I’m a director of major films.) So far, we have a short movie on basic knife handling, and one on how to chop an onion. Do you have anything kitcheny you’d like to see him teach? Nothing is off limits. Want to know how to make popcorn that doesn’t go in the microwave? Want to know how to shell peas? Let me know and I’ll add it to his filming schedule.
  2. I have decided that I need more aprons. I currently have a really cute cupcake one (of course) a Boudin sourdough bread one, a half apron that I believe came from Chef’s work, and one I jacked from Lush Cosmetics when I used to work there. Seeing as how they are a major part of my wardrobe most days, I would like a wider variety. Do you have any suggestions on awesomesauce aprons and where I can get them?
  3. I think I want an apron-themed bridal shower. Just saying.
  4. I have a Halloween wedding to go to on Sunday. I’m making the wedding cake. I’m supposed to dress up in a costume. I haven’t worn a Halloween costume in YEARS. Thanks to Twitter, I’m going to go as Batty Cracker, Betty Crocker’s twisted sister. It may involve blood, but I’m not sure.
  5. I’m completely obsessed with special effects makeup. I have a huge collection of latex wound pieces. I hardly ever use them. I should probably get on that.
  6. I got to skate tonight at practice. It’s only the second time I’ve been on skates since resigning as a derby girl on November 6th 2008. It was AWESOME. I need to do that more often.
  7. I find it disturbing I recall the exact date I quit being a derby girl, but I cannot recall the date Chef & I met, nor the day he proposed.  My priorities seem to be a bit skewed.
  8. Interesting how I am blogging about everything under the sun except the fact that we had a pretty shocking death in Chef’s family this week. (Ditka, our hammie, died too.) I think I’m still trying to come to grips with this major change. May not ever blog about it. That’s how I roll.
  9. I think I need to stop watching Snapped. (And Oxygen network altogether, really.) Every time I see a dude out in public or on TV behaving badly, I figure I may eventually see his other half on that show, and I wouldn’t really blame her for it.
  10. I love Chuck Norris.  I have no idea where this obsession came from, but I am totally enamored with just about everything he does. I can’t sit through an entire episode of Walker Texas Ranger, but I will watch 5 minutes of it every time it’s on. I have issues.
  11. I HAVE DISCOVERED THE GREATEST TELEVISION SHOW OF ALL TIME. It is on my favorite network ever, BBC America, and it is LAW AND ORDER UK. I think it has only been on for 4 or 5 episodes, but it’s AMAZING and FANTASTIC and half the time I have no clue what they’re talking about, but I love it.
  12. I have a very odd affection for the British. I love the slang (even though I totally don’t get it) and I love the accents and the way they drive on the left and everything. I do not, however, like their food. Bangers and mash? Bubble and squeak? Yeah, no thanks.
  13. If you’re not reading Hyperbole and a Half, I am disappointed in you. GO. GO NOW. Don’t even bother reading the rest of this post, just GO.

I need to stop while I’m ahead. I also need to go to sleep before I become delusional and start blogging about my new whisk or the fact that I don’t understand what cake pops are made of or how you make them.

Wishful Thinking Wednesday

Lucky 30 days old

Image via Wikipedia

Things I would like to get done this week (in the next 7 days, just to be clear. Not by Sunday. Because that would just be ridiculous.):

  1. Write a blog post with some sort of substance and possibly a giveaway and the product reviews that I HAVE WRITTEN, but have not POSTED. BAH.
  2. Finish the rest of the 30 Days of Mia Cupcake posts that I seem to have completely stopped writing.
  3. Find the camera cord and upload the 6 zillion pictures and the video of Chuck eating her birthday cake.
  4. Spend some sort of Quality Time with Chef before he forgets who I am.
  5. Finish 2 epic cakes in 2 days. (This one might make me cry. ETA: cry because it’s the only one I’ll get done, and it will be so very full of awesomesauce that one won’t be able to look directly at it.)

What do you have on your list for this week?

And yes, that puppy picture is to totally distract you from this puff of a blog post. 🙂

Random Thought Wednesday

Ever since Twitter came along, I don’t really have random thoughts. I have tweets. But occasionally, my random thoughts are longer than 140 characters, which is why I haul off and do things like this.

* I have been watching entirely too much television. So much so, that there is now not a single episode of CSI or Law & Order that I have not seen.

* Somehow, I do not find the above to be as pathetic as I should.

* I am attempting to teach myself calligraphy. I don’t recall writing to have been this difficult the first time.

* I have decided to start this P90x program. It apparently involves dieting and working out (possibly until you pass out or throw up), the latter of which causes something called “muscle confusion”. Which, in my case, is confusion caused by the fact that we’ve done very little moving in the past year, and now I’m trying to strain every muscle I have with lots of moving.

* The baby now has cut her first tooth. Someone remind me of the screaming and no sleep that we endured during the last month to get to this point, next time I start having uterine twinges.

* I am almost ready to start the big planning for Frosting for Good. This is super exciting for me.

* I need a laptop. Blogging from my phone is nice and all, but I’m pretty sure I’m close to capacity with all of the apps I’ve crammed on this thing. Plus, my thumbs hurt. So if anyone knows of a good deal on apple laptops, hit me up. 🙂

Ok, I have to stop because Chuck is screaming “DADA” in her crib, and Dada does not seem to be responding.

happy hump day, my little monkeys!

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