Your Mother Said So.

So there seems to be an epidemic of people apologizing for something they said on the internet and seeing as how I was in that same chair a few weeks ago (and yesterday too….whee!)…let me help y’all out.

I have some rules that I made back when I first got on the internet back in the mid-90’s when chat rooms were not nearly as fancy as they are now. As long as I’ve followed them, then I don’t piss off the people in the life I have when my iPhone is not attached to my hand, or my computer glued to my lap. (This life is also known as “reality”.)

I’ve amended them several times, with the invention of social media and leaving AOL….but without further ado, the rules you should follow if you use the internet ever (and do it, because your momma will thank you):

1. If you wouldn’t say it directly to the person’s face, don’t put it on the internet. THIS INCLUDES EMAIL.
2. Read what you post/email/tweet before you send it. Would you say this out loud into a megaphone in a crowd full of people?
3. Don’t email/tweet/post angry. If you want to, write it out and put it in your draft folder. Calm down, and then re-write.
4. Messenger is a horrible thing. Don’t use it unless you really have to. Instant communication is a great way to instantly tell someone you think they’re an asshole and then instantly regret it.
5. Don’t do the internet while drunk. Then you wake up the next morning and find webcam pictures of your boobs and have a hard time explaining to your mother what a webcam is and those are not really your boobs.
6. Don’t send naked pictures to anyone you’re not married to. Unless that’s your thing. Then you go. Otherwise, make sure you delete that ish off of his hard drive before you break up with him.
7. Don’t ever assume that nobody else can read your emails. Inevitably you screw up and leave your email or your Facebook or your Twitter open and that communique that you worked so hard to keep from whomever is right there on their computer screen and then they’re irrevocably angry at you.
8. Not everyone has a sense of humor.
9. Tone is hard to read in the written word. If you’re being sarcastic or pissy (i.e. “Would it be illegal if I kicked someone in the face?”) make sure to say so. (“I would never actually do this. But I just want to know for future reference.”)

So just to review – if you’re questioning if what you’re about to hit “Send” or “Post” on might get people to hate you in your real life, don’t do it. Sleep on it.

Also, don’t worry about pissing off the trolls on the internet. They’re inevitable and just a sign that you’re awesome.

My Hair is a Nightmare. (GIVEAWAY!!)

NOTE: GIVEAWAY EXTENDED TO MIDNIGHT, FRIDAY THE 13TH!!

I have very nice hair. When it behaves.

However, when I am doing exercise of ANY SORT, it is out of freaking control. So when Rebecca over at Bondi Band offered one of her wicking (and WICKED) headbands to try out, I jumped on it.

Out of the pretty massive selection they have on that website, I chose a plain green headband. It’s my favorite colour and isn’t the colour of one of our home teams in our derby league. (impartiality is SUPER important when reffing, yes?)

First day I got it, I wore it underneath my derby helmet at an open skate. Now that thing is already pretty tight. My head is enormous, and apparently a 3xl helmet doesn’t fit. (No, I’m not kidding. Insert “giant melon” joke here.)

It not only fit under the helmet, it nicely sucked my copious amounts of perspiration (you’re welcome for that mental image) away from my face. I’m totally used to having to wear sweat wristbands on my forearms to wipe away sweat (not always helpful) and I didn’t have to use them this time.

Sweet.

Before I went on our run

So I took it out for a run with the baby.

I’m notorious for having to stop and remove the bandana I normally use about 9 times on our daily hikes.

So we went on a 2.2 mile hike/jog. It was sunny outside. I perspired more than normal, because I was wise and wore a sweatshirt that I (for some reason) did not remove when it got warm.

It didn’t move. I’m not even kidding….my hair usually causes things to slip off or slide out and it’s REALLY hard for me to

After the run. Please ignore my paleness and lack of makeup.

find a headband that fits because of my enormous noggin.

But I dig these bands. A lot.

So much so, that I bought 3 more. Two for me and one for my lovely friend Ketta (her derby name…she’s an anesthesiologist, so her name is Ketta Mean) who ran my 5k with me this past Saturday.

It rained so incredibly hard during our 5k that we were completely soaked to the bone.

Even our underpants.

Rain was running down the back of my shirt, trickling down my legs….but the Bondi Band was keeping the water from running down our faces.

Before we nearly drowned while running.

So we were very satisfied.

Plus, they have some pretty radtastic sayings…Ketta’s says “WILL SKATE FOR BEER” and mine says “SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE”.

So they run about $8 a piece, come in a lighter wicking lycra (for those of you who don’t sweat buckets like I do) and a heavy-duty fabric (which is what all of mine are.)

They also sell wicking hats and towels, but I personally can’t speak to those 🙂

So….because she’s so awesome, Rebecca is offering one of her rad headbands to one of you! Winner gets to pick whichever style, colour and saying he/she chooses!!

“How do I enter”, you say? Good question! (US residents only!!)

MANDATORY ENTRY: Go to the Bondi Band website, check out their selection and come on back over here and leave a comment telling me which one you like the best.

Additional Entries (LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY)

1. Follow Bondi Band on Twitter!
2. Follow me on Twitter!
3. “Like” Bondi Band on Facebook!
4. “Like” Bruises in the Frosting on Facebook!
5. Subscribe to Bruises in the Frosting (Click the “Heck Yes!” button over there on the right)
6. Tweet this giveaway! (“Hey! @miacupcake is giving away a sweet @bondiband on her blog! Run on over and check it out! http://wp.me/pXaXa-fL Ends 5/13“) YOU CAN DO THIS UP TO FIVE TIMES PER DAY. But please not all at once….nobody likes spam. Don’t forget to leave a comment for each!!
7. Post this giveaway on your Facebook Wall! (make sure to link back to the Bruises in the Frosting FB page, and make the post visible to “everyone” so we can see you!)

Giveaway runs through NOON this Friday, May 13th. Winner will be chosen using Random.Org and has 24 hours to respond to notification. If winner fails to respond within 24 hours, an alternate winner will be chosen.

DISCLAIMER: FCC makes me say I received a Bondi Band to review. I did not receive any other compensation, nor was I asked to give false witness about the product. All opinions are mine, and the honest to RuPaul truth. Thanks and have a nice day.