Pushing All my Buttons (mamavation Monday)

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I’m a procrastinator.

There, I said it out loud.

I won’t try and fix a problem (with myself…my kids get IMMEDIATE attention) until it’s a pretty big deal.

And my weight has been a pretty big deal for long enough. I went through the Mamavation campaign, and then my life kinda fell apart at the seams (and everywhere in between) so it was easy to let the exercise routine and everything else fall by the wayside.

(I wish my Gruve still worked….that was a handy tool 😦 If BodyBugg wants to give me a bugg, I wouldn’t say no….and would probably wear it EVERYWHERE.)

So now is the time.

Procrastination is over and done with and I’m sick of being this size.

I’m also harder on myself than I am on anyone else. If I fail, I’m super disappointed. If I succeed, I wonder if I could have succeeded even MORE if I tried harder.

So I need to try. More. Right now.

Week 2 of roller derby boot camp was yesterday too. And I was hell-bent and determined not to make a total ass of myself out there on the rink.

So I worked this week. I went hiking and I ran around with the kids and I bartered someone for a weighted hula hoop that’s supposed to help with strengthening my core.

And I did it. I made it through another booty camp without stopping. I didn’t sit down (well, I did twice, to have some water) and I fell a half dozen times, but I know how to fall. So I didn’t hurt myself.

And the only thing that was sore this morning was my lower back, which just means I need to work my core more this week.

GUESS WHAT? I lost 1.6 pounds this week! I can’t wait to see what happens when I adjust my diet too 🙂

Hope you all have a GREAT week, and work just a little bit harder for yourself this week 🙂

Stay tuned for a fun giveaway and a review or two, and maybe a post 😀

Mamavation Monday: Post-Apocalyptic Workouts

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So as I hinted to in my last post, I had a pretty big week. I had a giant explosion of “OMG” and have been dealing with the resulting fallout.

And often in times like these, people (like the “Old Me”) seek comfort in food.

New Me has a different approach. All veggies.

I ate a lot of veggies this week. And I put a lot of stuff in jars. I’ve discovered that if I am feeling bad, I don’t necessarily want to EAT food, I apparently want to CREATE it.

So I made yogurt. And cheese. And bread. And Rhubarb BBQ Sauce. And more jam.

And all of that movement through the kitchen (even though I didn’t work out a stitch) and cleaning the house and moving furniture and generally not doing a lot of sitting down….I maintained this week.

No loss, no gain.

Usually when I hit a point of stress (and this is the most stress I’ve been under since I worked at The Evil Empire), I expect to gain at LEAST 10-15 pounds. If not more.

So maintaining is a good start.

And now I’ll work on getting workouts in to my schedule. And making sure I continue to do good things for my body.

Because my body is NOT A TRASH CAN. I need to stop putting garbage in it.

Hope you all are having a fabulous week!

Side note: whomever created glittery bathtub “crayons” should come over to my house, look at my sparkly bathtub, my glittery Twilight vampire baby and the side of my face (which seems to have broken out in a glittery rash) and tell me that glitter belongs in the hands of toddlers.

That is all.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it sucks.

Sometimes you don’t want to get up out of bed and it seems like all of the people you encounter are cranky at you. It looks like your entire Facebook news feed and your Twitter stream and your email are full of people hating on something.

Sometimes it sucks to be you.

These are the days that you might have to try a little harder, jump a little higher, and drag your butt up off of that couch when really that spot you spent the last 2 years wearing down for yourself is so very tempting.

Sometimes you have shit that comes up and makes you just not feel like eating healthy.

Sometimes your friends keep inviting you out for ice cream, which makes you want to punch them in the jejunum, but you don’t because they are your friends and they’ll probably frown on that sort of thing.

Sometimes all you want is a Triscuit.

Sometimes you really just feel like lying in bed all day and making someone else deal with your to-do list. Sometimes your kids are screaming so loud and trying to change the channel while you do your workout DVD and you stand there while the lady on the TV jumps around and you wonder if this is all worth it.

The more you tell yourself that you’d rather be fat, the more you’ll sink back into it.

The more you say “Eh, it’s ok if I skip one day”, the more likely it is you’ll skip far more than one.

You want to be a better person. Be it for you, for your kids, for your dog, for your invisible friend. You want a better you.

And I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if my ass is gonna get smaller without some effort.

As a wise man once said:

Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having,

except as a result of hard work.

Last night was my last night as a Mamavation mom. (You can check out my “finale” post here) Now comes my struggle with doing this on my own, without having to check in with anyone and without having the support of the whole Mamavation crew behind me.

This is just the beginning for me. I’m starting MMA boot camp 2x a week this week (yay for 5am!) and the Couch to 5k program so I can run a WHOLE 5k (instead of walk and run) with my BFF at the end of summer.

I’m going to be skating more, if I can ever get the Overlord to watch the baby.

I’m not stopping here. Oh no.

Laying It All On The Table (Mamavation Monday)

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I think “laying it all on the table” has something to do with poker.

Which has nothing to do with this post, but “My 6 Years Spent Standing On a Scale In Pursuit of Happiness” doesn’t really fit as a post title. But would be appropriate.

(as usual, since I don’t have any good visual aids, I am picking the photo that WordPress suggested that has the least to do with the subject matter. I like to keep y’all on your toes. Also, I am not a hairy man. Just so you know.)

Also, this is a super long post. Go to the bathroom first, grab a (healthy) snack and a drink. It’s gonna take a while.

I used to be anorexic.

There, I said it. It wasn’t that I thought I was fat (but I totally did, because I was teased a lot about having “junk in my trunk”), but I was so busy in high school (and my one year of college) that I didn’t have TIME to eat.

When I did, it was total crap. McDonald’s, chips, sodas, ice cream, whatever struck my fancy in the 15 minutes I would take to eat, that’s what would go in my face.

And unfortunately, that eating habit stuck.

I moved my body a lot back in the day; I was on the track team and I worked with the football team and I walked a lot and the weight would stay off because my “junk in the trunk” was not adhered to the couch.

Now it’s adhered to the couch.

After my son was born in 1999, I realized I had gained 100 pounds while I was pregnant with him. Nobody said anything to me about it, not even my doctor. I was a whale…went from 112 on my 20th birthday to 222 the day Short Stack was born (9 months later).

I was depressed. I didn’t know what to do, and I was afraid if I exercised incorrectly, I would injure my baby. I don’t know why I couldn’t get it together.

But I didn’t. And 100 pounds in 8 months is a lot to haul around.

So after he was born, I got back to moving my body. I would walk with him, play with him at the playground…I got out and got moving. Mostly to keep my brain from dwelling on the horrible breakup I had just gone through and the custody battle that ensued, but also because I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror with that much extra weight.

So I avoided mirrors and purchasing new clothes at all costs. I dropped to 165 pounds.

A few years later after another pretty horrible breakup, I went back to the anorexic thing because it was comfortable (and cheaper), and I was tipping the scales at about 190. I wanted to stay out of the “2 bills” range because I couldn’t stand the idea of letting my recent ex know that I was falling apart.

And I started running.

After my son would go to bed, my roommate would watch him and I would run around our neighborhood until I couldn’t move. I wanted to punish myself for being who I was. I wanted to run away from what I had to deal with.

I would run until I threw up, and then I would run another mile.

I ran until I couldn’t figure out where I was anymore.

I ran until I stopped crying because I was so dehydrated.

It was not a healthy place for me.

Fast forward 3 more years and I’m in the middle of another terrible breakup (bad things come in threes, right?). I’m hovering around 170 because the most recent ex told me I wasn’t allowed to be heavier.

I switched to an all-vegan diet for almost a year after that. Was no need to run because I was working for the Evil Empire, who kept me so busy and running everywhere that I had no time to use the free gym membership that came from being a slave to the Empire an employee of the lovely company.

I just didn’t want to eat anything that reminded me of the abusive bullshit he had put me through. Which was pretty much anything that wasn’t green….so I ate all green.

I felt amazing. I felt like I was alive for the first time in my life and I didn’t have to sleep for 10 hours a day and wake up tired. I didn’t have to smoke. I didn’t feel like drinking. I stopped being a mess.

Eventually I got off the vegan diet (during massage school, it was hard to stay on it when I didn’t know when I was getting a break to eat…excuses, excuses.) and I started dating a man who didn’t suck.

Towards the end of my schooling, I started getting really sick. Every morning. And then certain smells started making me nauseous. And then I took a pregnancy test.

Pregnant with my second baby, I vowed to make it different this time. I wouldn’t gain another 100 pounds, because I COULD NOT afford to be over 300 pounds.

Then came the hyperemisis gravidarum. Translation: I literally spent the next 4 months not eating, or not being able to keep anything but Gatorade and a bit of pasta down.

I lost 35 pounds and my midwives worried I was going to lose the baby.

So they told me to eat.

And eat I did. I weighed 244 the day I walked into the hospital to have Chuck, and 247 carrying her out to the car the next morning.

I excercised my butt off after she was born. I got all the way down to 220 in 5 months. I was so proud of myself! I stuck to something for a long period of time, and within 3 weeks of giving birth to my precious hellion, I could fit in (AND BUTTON!) my pre-pregnancy jeans.

Then came this.

I kind of stood around for a week, staring. Not knowing what to do and being in a rather large case of limbo until that 2nd opinion came back.

CANCER.

Cancer is a big word. A big scary word. A word that requires a lot of testing, and a lot of “pelvic rest” (no sex, no strenuous exercise and no other stuff) and after 7 months of being cut into, and then recovering just in time to be cut into again, I am finally in the clear.

I got the heads up from my doctor on Friday that I can start light exercise, and by March 1st, I’ll be cleared for anything I want to do.

So I’m going to start small. And build on that. Because I know that works for me, and this time, I’m not f*cking around. I’m done being this size.

I haven’t worn jeans in…um….well, I think the very last time I wore jeans was to the “Cancer Announcement” appointment. I don’t even think I could FIT in those jeans anymore, and they were my fat jeans.

I’m bloody tired of wearing yoga pants. I have a whole closet-full of gorgeous clothes that I can’t wear.

So here’s my plan:

1. Quit smoking. (I’m down to 4 a day. From a full pack a month ago. So I’m breathing so much easier.)
2. More veggies.
3. Less crap. (I’ve been keeping away from the fast food and myriad snacks the Overlord keeps around the house, and I’ve been cooking more!)

That’s my small plan for now, and for the last week, I’ve been kicking my plan’s butt. I’d like to say I’ve lost some weight, but I can’t lie…I gained a pound. (Here’s hoping it’s muscle!)

I’ve been through so many crazy weightloss periods (and weight gain periods) that I think I can really help the Sistahood. I can see when people are starting to deviate from their goals, and I like to encourage people to stick to them.

I would love to have a group of women like the awesome chicks on Mamavation (AND all of you blog readers and Twitter followers!) to support me in the same way!

Cheers 🙂

Wishful Thinking Wednesday

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Things I would like to get done this week (in the next 7 days, just to be clear. Not by Sunday. Because that would just be ridiculous.):

1. Write a blog post with some sort of substance and possibly a giveaway and the product reviews that I HAVE WRITTEN, but have not POSTED. BAH.
2. Finish the rest of the 30 Days of Mia Cupcake posts that I seem to have completely stopped writing.
3. Find the camera cord and upload the 6 zillion pictures and the video of Chuck eating her birthday cake.
4. Spend some sort of Quality Time with Chef before he forgets who I am.
5. Finish 2 epic cakes in 2 days. (This one might make me cry. ETA: cry because it’s the only one I’ll get done, and it will be so very full of awesomesauce that one won’t be able to look directly at it.)

What do you have on your list for this week?

And yes, that puppy picture is to totally distract you from this puff of a blog post. 🙂

Talking About Myself, Days 10-12

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I am seriously horrible at this, so I’ll just keep posting in chunks until we’re all done 🙂

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad – I listen to a lot of different music ….but here goes:

Happy – Justin Timberlake, Bob Marley, Adele, and Deadmau5

Sad – classical. Mostly Bach and Beethoven.

Bored – anything. Whatever strikes my fancy at that moment. I listen to Tool, Metallica, Lady Gaga, Mozart, this reggae CD made for kids that Chuck really likes…when I’m bored, whatever makes me un-bored is what I’ll listen to 🙂

Hyped – Deadmau5. Lady Gaga. Paul Oakenfold. Anything trance, dance, hip-hop, house….loud and with a big beat. Ooh, or Cherry Poppin Daddies or Squirrel Nut Zippers. I was BIG into the Zoot Suit Riot.

Mad – Prodigy. Rammstein. Metallica. Eminem. Linkin Park. Anything super aggro and with words I can yell-sing.

day 11- another picture of you and your friends

I don’t have any pictures I can find right now. I’ll make sure to take some whenever I see my friends again. OR! Maybe I will post the photo strip from that one time Ketta and I got wasted after a roller derby event. So…stay tuned for that one 🙂

day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one

I was blogging back before I started working for the Evil Empire. I’ll have to see if the original blog is still up, but I’ve gone through several transformations since that first blog back in 2001. Like this one. Don’t read too much of that, it’s embarassing.

I have a blog because 140 characters isn’t enough sometimes. Because I need someone to talk to some days who won’t judge me and won’t have a vested interest in the decisions I make. Sometimes, I just need to know that someone else out there thinks I’m funny.

Talking About Myself, Days 8-9

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I am so horrible at keeping up with this. But I endure 🙂

day 8- short term goals for this month and why – I want to kickstart mybusiness. Find more clients. Bake more cakes. Get going. I’m also wanting to get Chuck’s 1st Birthday Extravaganza all planned, as well as get going on the cupcake event I’ve been trying to coordinate.

day 9- something you’re proud of in the past few days – Finishing that mountain wedding cake. That was my opus, for serious. I took a loooong nap after that, for sure.

A bit boring, I know, but alas. I cannot be exciting ALL of the time. HAPPY TUESDAY!

Talking about myself: A Challenge (Days 4-7)

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OK, have to catch up on a couple of days of this because I completely forgot yesterday and was buried in cake the 2 days before that 🙂

day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have – I wish I wasn’t so distracted sometimes. I get so involved in one thing that I forget about a lot of other things. (Hyper-focused, I think this is called.) I also wish I could follow up on everything I say I’m going to do…I’ve gotten more into the habit of not promising to do things that I might not be able to complete. That way, if I DO complete them, it’s a nice surprise 🙂

day 5- a picture of somewhere you’ve been to – I haven’t been to too many places lately. I’d post a picture of my couch, but it’s super boring. So instead, go look at this picture. I went there almost 13 years ago. *sigh*

day 6- favorite super hero and why – Jean Grey is my favorite superhero, by far. (She’s also known as Marvel Girl, Phoenix, and Dark Phoenix.) She’s telekenetic and telepathic (she can move stuff and manipulate stuff with the power of her mind AND red minds and see the future) and she’s a mom AND a wife. AND!! She’s a redhead (sometimes). Favorite.

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you – This tiny person has a huge impact on me right now. She rules my ass, and sometimes decides when we get to go places and how long we stay. Because she’s so tiny and so volatile at times, we don’t go out a lot. I adore her and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world, but I would like to be able to go places without having her holler and throw things at people. She’s very cranky and tantrum-y lately, which makes life far more interesting! 🙂 (she’s also my tiny angry Irish princess and just full on headbutted me in the eye. THAT should be a fun bruise.)

By the by, for those of you who have been following me on Twitter, you’ll remember that Chef and I started filming a series of videos a few months ago on basic cooking skills….I’ve been editing them and should be posting them this week. He’s super anxious to film some more!

Talking about myself: A Challenge (day 3)

day 3- a picture of you and your friends

I have not had my picture taken with any of my friends since…ope, since my birthday in February. Because I’m pretty sure that’s the last time I went out. ANYWAY, here is a montage of some of my favorite pictures with my favorite people…

I know this is not me. But it’s the fruit of my womb with one of my very favorite people, Whiplash.

This is my BFF and my maid of honor, Shannon. I would like to make this a public service announcement that she needs to get up here for a weekend. RIGHT NOW.

This is Rusty. I miss her.

This is me and Barbalicious. It was my birthday, I was totally blitzed on gin & tonics and the BIGGEST HURRICANE EVER, and apparently thought making that face was hawt.

This is me and Hannah Grenade, my favorite zebra and one of my favorite people ever. (Her shirt says “I’m Tweeting This” and we totally tweeted that picture.)

This was taken 3 days before I found out I was pregnant with Chuck. 🙂 That’s me, Short Stack and Chef.

Anyhoo, hope y’all are having a fantastic day!

PS – for Hannah: I have a “recommendations” tab on my blog editing page that searches flickr for photos that might relate to what I’m writing….and 7 of them are photos of you. CREEPY!

Talking about myself: a challenge (Day 2)

day 2- the meaning behind your blog name

So a long long time ago (on a planet far far away…), I was trying out for roller derby. I was bruised ALL THE TIME. And I mean ALL THE TIME. (I had people I worked with worried that my boyfriend at the time was beating me, and they actually called an intervention. AWKWARD.)

I was also baking a LOT.

Hence “Bruises in the Frosting.”

And now, because otherwise, this would be a TOTALLY BORING POST (and because I just watched it twice and laughed so hard I cried and then fell off the couch), a video. Courtesy of my favorite wedding blog, The Knotty Bride.